Any street-level drug dealer has been where Cedrick Barnes found himself in South Carolina on Friday night: with a hearty, drying stash and without clientele. Barnes’ half-pound of pot wasn’t moving itself, so Barnes consulted his Rolodex to let potential customers know that if they needed some grass, he had the hook up.
But Barnes was rather indiscriminate with his calls (or his eyes were a little too bloodshot) and he hit up his previous parole officer. The cop, presumably in equal parts shock/laughter/dismay, as SC Now details, played along.
The suspect was apparently scrolling through his cellphone directory trying to sell some marijuana he had when one of the people he called agreed to the purchase, Maj. Carlos Raines, Florence Police Department, said.
The buyer, who was also the suspect’s former probation officer, set up the buy for a shopping center parking lot and then contacted Florence Police, who completed the transaction.
Raines said the department seized half a pound of marijuana with a street value of $1,200.
Cedrick Barnes, 27, 958 Fore Road, is charged with one count each of possession of a controlled substance and possession of cocaine, according to the Florence County Sheriff’s Office bookings Web site.
One of the primary rules about selling weed: have a small and loyal base who you deal to, and keep your name on the down low. If you’re desperate for sales, here’s another rule of thumb: if you can’t remember the profession of someone in your phone book, don’t call them offering weed. And the third rule: don’t have cocaine on you when you go to sell that weed. Barnes absolutely shattered those three rules. If Barnes’ mug shot wasn’t available, I’d conjure this up as fiction, because prior to this miraculous act of Eddy Curry-like idiocy, that’s exactly what it was
The entire ordeal is pretty much summed up by the opening scene in Our Idiot Brother (and the subsequent one on one sessions between Paul Rudd and his parole officer). Parole officers (and cops) may act like they’re your friends. They may seem cool. They may actually be cool (doubtful). But in the end, the blue they wear outweighs any sympathy they have for the green we grow.