Last night Rick Santorum swept elections in the states of Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota. This only made only one thing clear: Republicans don’t want to elect Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney President. The voter turnout was low in all three states, indicating that the party base is generally unenthused about the primaries.

But I think America is really fortunate to have the free entertainment and circus of idiocy that is the Republican primaries. Every day the campaign brings me new joy and love for life. Rather than dreading the news I get on my local Pacifica radio station that usually sets me off into either anger or depression, I awaken fresh and eagerly awaiting the next explosive remarks by this cast of clowns.

The Original Cash Crop: bushy, tasty, frosty!

Just imagine Mitt Romney on a golf course in an argument with his golf buddy over just who won the Super Bowl in ’99. He says “Betcha $10,000 Chip” and his buddy says “I’ll take you up on it, Mittens.”

You really just can’t blame him for saying that publicly at the debate because that might not be out of the ordinary with the people he hangs with. However, Romney was deemed unqualified by the evangelical bigot committee to be President because he was a Mormon, which these people, some of whom talk in tongues, consider a cult.

I don’t think Mormonism is a cult. In fact I am rather intrigued with Mormonism and am thinking of forming my own Mormon sect based on my own revelations, which I received on Mount Tamalpais (just north of San Francisco).

It was a golden sunset and I was listening to the radio and there was a serious discussion of Mormonism while I was watching the sunset. One of the revelations I had from this radio program was that when you reach a certain degree of Mormonism you and your spouse will go beyond heaven and be given your own planet. It was then that I realized that Mormonism had a lot of attractions.

At first, I felt it would be pretty cool to be the God of my very own planet, but then I started having some reservations. There are a lot of planets out there. Would I get placed on some planet in some distant galaxy or would I get placed on a planet in the center of things? And then, just where is the center of things? If I get my own planet are there going to be people on it? It would be no fun being a God without other people around. I mean would I even get animals? Animals don’t even speak English.

But I digress. What I want to know very sincerely is, has Romney paid enough to the church to get a good planet? Does his 10% tithe to the Mormon Church instead of the government buy him a good planet filled with English speaking animals and other people to socialize with? Does he get just the family rate or family and friends?

“… has Romney paid enough to the church to get a good planet?”

But I digress again. Ron Paul published or didn’t publish a publication which he didn’t read, had no control over, didn’t see or wasn’t aware of which was totally racist. Then he appeared in front of a Confederate Flag, said the South was right– and they were, very right, extreme right! SO right that they were fascists. Although I like his foreign policy and some of his internal policies ideas, this guy is a racist pig, I sort of imagine him being attacked by someone inspired by the Girl With a Dragon Tattoo, holding him down and tattooing his chest with “I am a racist pig.”

And Gingrich, the serial cheater who crusaded against Bill Clinton’s infidelity as he had a relationships with multiple women, somehow has the right to be offended by a question about it. None of these people have a clue that as they veer further and further to the right they become more and more unelectable. This leaves the voting public only two choices: Obama or a write-in candidate (Me).

Now I haven’t been pushing my campaign recently because I have been waiting to see what would happen in the Republican Party. If this does become a brokered convention I would be an extreme dark horse for the party. In fact, some people would say invisible. But I could lead it in a different direction, towards the oblivion it deserves… more ramblings later.

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